Butch… and weight loss. Part One.

Part One – Background, history, and the Church of Paleo

So I don’t know the exact numbers, but I’ve weighed somewhere between 240-260 pounds for the last ten years.  Shit, if you can know the ins and outs of my breastfeeding shenanigans, I can tell you my weight.  So there.

When we lived near DC, after seeing a nutritionist and eating so.many.salads, I went from 255 to 223 circa 2006-ish.  I didn’t stay there long, though, and always felt starving and angry.  I gained most of it back in a matter of months, and was near 250 again by 2008.  Then I got pregnant, and the first trimester morning sickness diet of water and saltines for three months knocked me down to 240.  At my due date appointment (two days before RR made her entrance), I was 256.  In February of 2011 (eight months later), I was 256.  (Cue sad trombone.) I saw a physical trainer, ate so.many.salads and got down to 242, where I hovered around there until May of this year, despite getting through M’s cancer, the holidays (i.e. GIN and COOKIES), and dead mom (Cue sad trombone, again.)

Then I started training for a four mile race on Sept. 1 of this year.  In the meantime, I emailed my high school friend Madeline for help, since she’s, as I stated, the fittest person I know (as well as a bonafied CrossFit guru.)  She’s also kind, nice, and awesome.  I’d been following her blog for a good long while, and was utterly fascinated when she did the 9o days of eating paleo early this year.  She logged her meals, sometimes with pictures and recipes, and I thought to myself – good for her!  Oh hell no, for me.  Don’t take away Mama’s cereal, bread, and pasta!

Sometime in July, our vacation was upon us, and was brought to you in part by Oreos, cake, hot dogs, and beer, rinse and repeat.

We got back and felt like crap.  Enough said.

Then I went for my yearly gyno appointment, and my yearly lecture about my weight.  But this year, it had a crazier than normal stern tone.  Blah blah, both of my parents are dead, blah blah.  Heart disease, stroke, they died before they were 70, blah blah.  Say the blah’s very sternly to yourself.

So my wife and I got inspired.  We convinced ourselves to start the Whole 30 on Saturday, July 14.  We, without even knowing, were baptized into the Church of Paleo, and haven’t looked back since.  This, a hard conversion from the Church of Burger King.  Now, the hardest part sometime in there (after the physical symptoms of sugar detoxing) was saying “No thank you!” in between silent sobs to RR who tried to shove a Teddy Graham in my mouth, “Eat it, Mama!  Eat it!!”

No, but really.  It sucked at the beginning.  Then it sucked more.  Then it was fucking expensive.  Then we made the concession that, in order to cook meals every night, we’d have to let RR watch an Olivia episode on the iPad while we cooked, which we still do to this day.  We embraced the slow cooker.  And spaghetti squash.  And sweet potatoes.  We put all “rare or in severe moderation items” on the top shelf of the cupboards, which we call “the adult shelf.”  One cannot get anything down from the adult shelf without telling someone, presumably the other adult in the house… not your imaginary friend.  Or RR.

We eat a lot of eggs.  And chicken.  And leftovers.  And leftover leftovers.  And sometimes salads, but they’re not hateful salads.  We go to the gym at the university during our lunch breaks.  I run, I lift weights, I do squats and sit-ups and push-ups and sprints.  I test my limits.  I’ve made eye-contact-friends with the 20-something buff college guys.

I can’t speak for my wife’s numbers, but I will tell you that she looks absolutely radiant and stunning.  I know – I didn’t think she could get more gorgeous either!

Here, two and a half months later, I had my biometric screening the other day and clocked 210 on the scale.  In addition, my blood levels were all within a normal range.  My risk for all-things-bad are only based on my family history (and religious affiliation to the Church of Chick-fil-A) and not my current state of being.  My new-found dedication to not dying before I’m 70 is having results.  Sure, I suppose I can get hit by a bus any day now, but at least my pants will be smaller!

(Coming up – Part Two, AKA I need more belts!)

Posted on October 2, 2012, in church of paleo. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. That’s fabulous. I really wish I could do something like that (okay, okay, I know that if I REALLY wished it, I COULD, well, except for the money thing, which we really don’t have), but every time I’ve tried to go even vaguely low-carb, I am starving 24/7. I eat too much protein, and I get sick to my stomach. But I love the idea of eating fewer processed foods. It makes my simple-at-heart self happy.

    I’m just so lazy and poor. LOL.

    Okay, dumb comment rambling on – the point being: go you. 🙂

    • There are no dumb comments! 🙂

      I will say that doing it together has made a huge difference, since we tend to be each other’s checks and balances, as well as just overall spousal support. I don’t know if I did it alone, if I would have stuck to it.

      The part that sucks the most is less about the no-bread sadness and hatefulness and more about the constant fucking cooking! I mean, dude.. sometimes we’re cooking breakfast, prepping lunch, and filling the slow-cooker all before 9am. That shit never goes away. The cold sweats from sugar-detoxing does, though.

      Also, the one thing I like about it is that it doesn’t outlaw fruit the way that some low-carb stuff does, so that’s kind of nice. I mean, do people get diabetes from eating too many strawberries and apples?

      $$-wise, we’ve finally (after two+ months) learned how to not totally break the bank… sort of.

  2. Wooooo hooo! Must go blog about your awesomemess. (((Hug)))

  3. That’s really awesome, and I can’t wait to read more. I have to admit money is a factor for us too when considering this kind of thing… we just don’t have a lot (read:any) to spare these days and let’s face it, oreos are cheaper than grass-fed organic meat or whatever it is ya’ll eat. 🙂

    • It took us a while, but we’ve finally got the hang of how much meat we need to buy in order to eat for the week. I admit, at the beginning, it looked like we were stocking up for some crazy meat-fest. But we’ve learned to buy things on sale, in bulk, freeze them, etc. to make it work. And uh yeah – Oreos are way cheaper and more delicious, for sure.

  4. Oreos are cheaper and a hell of a lot more delicious. Or they were until our tastebuds completely changed. I know, it sounds bogus, but true. It doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes (or all the time) look at them and think “Oh you glorious thing GET IN MAH BELLEH” Truly, since our budget can’t bend anymore, we skip a lot of the Whole 30 demands about things understanding that it’s the spirit and not the specifics. For example, we get our chicken as on sale as we can, pasture be damned.

  1. Pingback: the hardest thing and the right thing | Good Gravy

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