I am most flattered that you think that it will take five people to do my job while I am away on maternity leave. Flattered. Really. I do not mind one bit cross-training everyone on the ins and outs of my job, which you are making so much more complicated than it actually is, but honestly, use some common sense, and I think everything and everyone will be OK. I can only put so many things in place before I unexpectedly do not come in one day, and you all are forced to make decisions for the following eight-to-twelve weeks. It will be OK. Repeat after me. Now let’s all take a cleansing breath and keep moving forward.
PS – I’m thankful that you’ve stopped stealing my pens. Now please return my tape dispenser.