One of the reasons my wife and I decided to have a kid is because we thought we’d be relatively good parents. Doesn’t everyone? Stop laughing. Oh sure, we also thought we needed someone to mow the lawn, take out the trash, and take care of us when we’re old, but mostly, we thought we’d make a nice little family. Not once did I think, oh, I’ve always wanted to be a mom. In fact, after seeing my sister become a mom at age 18, I did everything I could to prevent ever becoming a mom, perhaps subconsciously complete with cutting out any potential physical relationship with a man. No, the fear of getting pregnant didn’t make me into a lesbian (I have pictures of me in a button-up shirt and tie when I was 7 as proof), but it sure as hell made the coming out process a little easier.
A couple years ago, I was in some therapy, and was spending half of my time there at the end talking a lot about my identity, and slowly dipping my toes into a gender identity disorder diagnosis. So if anything, maybe I saw myself as a dad, if I ever had kids. Also, I think my sister’s experiences scarred me from floating through life aching for motherhood. It doesn’t help that my mother spent (spends?) so much time talking to me about how much better my sister’s life would have been had she not had kids. Identity and dysfunction aside, my pregnancy often feels like a means to an end, and I’m a baby-makin’ vehicle. Perhaps even a little surrogate-like, some days. Definitely like the pregnant man. The real bottom line is, I simply cannot wait to pop this sucker out and give him to my wife. Here, wife! I grew us a baby! Because I can’t wait for us to be parents together, and to share in the raising of our kid together as a team effort. Rah rah ree!
Sure, this whole pregnancy thing is beautiful and magical (complete with DDR contests in my belly at 2am), but having my wife feel Vegas from the outside every so often just doesn’t seem like nearly enough interaction between them. I don’t know if I’ll stop feeling like a baby hoarder until Vegas enters this world and finds himself blissfully in her arms. Well, and then it’s only a matter of time before I find them milk drunk, watching Chelsea Lately in their pajamas at 2am.