An Open Letter

Dear my dog,
Please stop waking up at 3am and asking to go outside.  Seriously, you’re almost 3 years old, and you have got to learn to be responsible.  You have a yard.  A Very Big Yard.  Use it.  If you choose not to, do not wake me and your mother up at 3am to tell us about your irresponsibility.  Also, when and if one of us is so inclined to indulge your needs, do not insist on playing “just a little” ball after you’ve done your business.  It is 3am, after all.
Love, your mamas

Dear cat number one,
My belly is going to continue to grow and thwart your plans to sit on it while I’m on the couch.  As it is, you are running out of space and time.  Please find alternative ways to show your love to me.
Love, the one who feeds you

Dear cat number two,
Bathe.  Please bathe.  I know you’re long-haired and you have fur that feels like a bunny, but you still need to bathe.  If you continue to boycott bathing, you will continue to find yourself locked outside of the bedroom at night because we find your stank-ass threatening.
Love, the one who feeds you (and makes sure the dog-water is fresh, since it’s the only water you’ll drink)

Dear my wife,
Thank you for putting up with these outrageous and needy animals.  Thank you for belly and back rubs.  Thank you for so much more to come.
Love, your wife

Dear my pants and sweaters,
Thank you for still fitting.
Love, the body you clothe

Advertisements

Posted on January 12, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. dear mom,
    I’M NEVER GOING TO BATHE.
    love, C#2

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: